I'm currently 50 years old. Over the past 10 years, I've spoken to my mother, father, older sister (52y/o) and younger brother (40y/o) less than a handful of times. We do not have a relationship. It's sad but it's what I NEEDED to do.
Around mid 1975 and early 1976 my parents were introduced to the Jehovah Witness (JW) religion by a door-to-door Bible student. This practice of preaching or "spreading the word of God" is known as "Field Service" by JW's. My parents took interest and were intrigued. At this time I was 4 years old. My sister was 6 years old. One of my earliest memories is around Thanksgiving when I was very young. It was around Thanksgiving break so my sister was out of school (I think she was in 1st Grade and I was in Nursery School - Angel Petite in Jefferson Louisiana on Central Ave. I remember EXACTLY what it looked like). During one of the days during the Thanksgiving break, my sister and I waited all day to watch The Wizard of Oz that night on TV. We were excited. We planted ourselves in front of the den TV laying on the carpet floor of our house on Grove Ave. About 20min into the movie, an older couple knocked on the door and my parents greeted them and let them inside the house. Once inside my mother made me and my sister leave the room and "go in the back and play". It was time for their Bible study. This is my very first memory of Jehovah Witnesses. I was upset. I was mad I couldn't watch the Wizard of Oz that I waited to see. I was sad and mad that my mother forced me out of the den. I remember crying in my room. By the time the bible study finished, the movie was over. That older couple's name was "Brother" Dwight and "Sister" Opal Cox. From that point forward, I hated them - at least at that time I thought I did.
A month later Christmas came. That was the last actual Christmas that I had as a child with a tree, presents, family, etc... After the Christmas break it was time for me to return to Nursery School (Angel Petite) around the 2nd week of January. Once I returned, I was no longer allowed to say the Pledge of Allegiance each morning. I had to stand up, with my hands by my side (or my arms folded) and stand quietly. My mother had previously spoken to my teacher. However, none of my classmates had any idea. Over the next few weeks I was asked "why I didn't say the pledge"? I had no idea why - other than my parents told me not to. Then came Mardi Gras and St. Valentines Day. I wasn't allowed to participate in any activities because my parents said so. Now I understand the reason, but imagine being a 4y/o and trying to comprehend that. {REASON PER JW's}: Mardi Gras is a celebration of false Gods. St. Valentines Day is a pagan ritual derived from Catholic doctrine. Then came Memorial Day - to honor our countries veterans. This was also unacceptable because JW's follow the "Tho Shall Not Kill" commandment. And war/military service is about defending a nation and killing the enemy if necessary. Then came July 4th. By then my sister was on Summer break from public school so I was also on break from nursery school - per my mother.
Kindergarten through my Senior year of high School followed the same strict holiday rules although many more were added. Couldn't attend friends birthday parties, couldn't join the boy-scouts and couldn't attend social functions if organized by a different religion (i.e. lock-ins, parties, etc...). It was around this time I realized my Mother was different than other mothers. I began to notice certain behavior. I remember getting beat with a spatula for dropping a glass jar of pickles. I remember getting whipped with an egg beater to the point of leaving bright red whelps on my skin for knocking over a jar of peanut butter while climbing on the counter to get cookies. I remember running cold water on those whelps so it would stop burning. I remember getting beat with the telephone receiver while she was on the phone because I was hungry and it was getting late in the evening. I remember my mother had constant migraine headaches. I remember she would take "Fureanol" (sp?) for those headaches. I remember her taking "nerve-pills". I remember her taking "diet pills". I remember my mom passing out on the sofa. I remember her waking up at 2am to vacuum my room because she passed out too early to get her "housework" completed. I remember my mom making fun of me for being a "mommas boy". I remember she pushing me away from her and telling me to "get away" in a laughing tone to make her friends laugh. I remember it was more important for her to impress her friends than to make me feel comfortable.
I wanted to play sports. I was good at it. In my grammar public school, I was only the second person to win the Presidential Physical Fitness award 3 years in a row (4th, 5th & 6th grade). I was small but fast and had great hand-to-eye coordination. My parents "let" me play sports. However, I had to go to church (Kingdom Hall) and Bible Study EVERY Tuesday evening, every Thursday evening, and two hours on Sunday (either morning or afternoon). I also had to go in Field Service EVERY Saturday morning. So.... try playing on a sports team when you can't attend practice on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays. Then ask your coach if you can "play" in the game that normally took place on Saturday mornings. Good Luck!
Around my Freshman year of HS I discovered girls. Normal crushes/flirting and "girlfriends" as early teens do. Girls discovered and noticed me too. My parents were quick to remind me that "worldly" girls are no good and evil. I should only be interested in girls that were part of the JW Cult. To be nice, girls of the JW cult were.... let's just say "homely" looking and not attractive to me at all. So obviously I gravitated to the worldly girls. My parents were "ok" with that as long as I attempted to have the girl join the cult. If not, my mother resorted to using the garden hose on them if they dared to come over to the house.
It was around that time I started to realize this cult wasn't for me. I didn't want to go to church 5 times a week. I didn't want to go in Field Service anymore due to embarrassment. I wanted to do my own thing. I didn't want to have a curfew since I was a legal adult. I didn't want my mother handling my finances. I wanted to date any girl that I wanted. This was too much for her to handle. I was kicked out of the house when I was 18 because according to her "me and my household will serve the lord". The actual incident that caused me to get kicked out concluded with my mother charging me with a butcher knife after I took a $20 bill out of my own money envelope that my mother kept in a drawer for my car loan payment and my car insurance. And since they co-signed for the loan, she considered it "her money". Excellent parenting - yeah right.
After a few girlfriends, I fell in love with a "worldly" girl. And the best part was, she loved me too. We got engaged, set a wedding date and planned our future together. I wanted my father to be Best Man, my younger brother to be a groomsman and my older sister to be a bridesmaid. But... my wife wanted to have the wedding ceremony in the Baptist Church that she grew up in. My mom & dad refused to let my dad and my brother be a part of the ceremony. They also convinced my sister not to be a part of it. They would "attend" the wedding, but would not be part of the ceremony. My future wife could see how upset this made me. She actually agreed to have the wedding at a non-religious location in order for my family to be a part of it. Her mother was furious and threatened to not provide the financial support for their daughters wedding (not pay for it). After me and my fiance' spoke to them calmly and rationally, they finally agreed. Can you believe that? God I love that woman and her mom and dad. To bend and accommodate my family full of cult members, they wanted to simply make their daughter and her future husband happy. I strive to be like that and hope that one day I can.
So my bride and I were married with my family as a part of the wedding. Then came the pressure to again join the cult. We tried. Went to bible studies, kingdom hall, field service, etc... Then my brother turned 18 - a legal adult. Btw - he was baptized as a cult member when he was like 15 (I think). Long story but the short version is that I (as a big brother) did certain things that he asked me to do - buy him and his friends alcohol and weed. My parents found out since he ratted me out rather than taking responsibility as a legal adult should. He got kicked out of the religion (disfellowshipped) and my parents blamed me for the entire thing. I do understand that I should've been more responsible and look out for my little brother.... but me at 28 years-old, I remember what it was like growing up in that cult and not having someone to go to when I just wanted to cut loose and have fun. Besides, drinking alcohol and smoking a joint at 18y/o isn't the worst thing a kid can do.
Over the years things got worse between me and my family. I constantly had this feeling that I would be loved by them only if I did the things they wanted me to do. Join the Cult, convince my wife to join the Cult, raise my children in the Cult, devote our entire life to the Cult, or they couldn't love us - primarily my mother.
My mother has passed away on October 13th, 2022. She has been sick for a very long time. Due to her illness I've had to keep my distance from her, my father, my sister and my brother. Her illness was not physical; it was mental. My mother had a SEVERE mental illness and no member of my family did anything about it. I've tried.... repeatedly. My family refused to listen, learn and take the necessary measures to treat her illness.
My father allowed this all to happen. AS the head of the household, you would think he would man-up and take responsibility. NOPE! He's been a weak, beta-male my entire life. Shame on you Dad!
